Each person is valuable here and now, just as they are. Period. We often struggle with feeling valuable or lovable based on things from the past. Mistakes and bad choices, harm done to us, and other aspects of life can leave us living in shame. 
Shame is not meant to be a destination! As renowned shame researcher Brene Brown states shame is “the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging – something we’ve experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection.”
There is a powerful diagnosis that seems to be impacting virtually every person on the planet these days. Research has proven that 100% of people are actually human. 
This diagnosis confirms that people will make mistakes and bad decisions while working out their lives on earth. This does not determine whether or not they are worthy of safety and connection, love and belonging. Humans will never be perfect and in fact, cannot be so. Perfectionism pushes expectations outside of reality to a little place we call psychosis — and trust me, you don’t want to live in that neighbourhood! In fact, perfectionism breeds shame and fuels procrastination but that’s a whole other blog post.
What’s the difference between shame and guilt? Shame says there is something wrong with me. Guilt says I did something wrong. Guilt can be either true or false. True guilt is helpful and points us toward making amends. 
If I intentionally hurt someone, true guilt is the appropriate emotional response. True guilt can lead to conviction which helps to heal and restore relationship. False guilt is when we feel bad for something but did nothing wrong. ‘Yeah but I feel guilty…’ “But did you do anything wrong on purpose?” “Well no…” Then it is false guilt and needs to be dispelled. Motive and intention play into this assessment. Did you mean to do it? Yes — true guilt. No — false guilt.
Let’s pull this all together. We’re all human and we will make mistakes, fail at things and make bad decisions. That’s part of being a fallible human being. The key is to get up after you fall, learn from your mistakes and make better and better decisions. Learn, grow, be gracious and compassionate to yourself, learn some more and keep growing — repeat. As a healthy human, we need to release ourselves from shame and see that we are worthy of love and belonging here and now. I once saw an illustration that I loved — it had a picture of a person out in a boat on a lake. Under the picture it said, ‘the lake of regrets’ and there was a big “No Fishing” sign. Don’t dredge up the regrets from your past. 
Shame becomes toxic and is a terrible bed fellow with false guilt. Get rid of shame and false guilt — heal from them and live a life of freedom in your present and future. We can’t change the past, we can only learn from it and do better going forward.
You are loved. You are valuable. You are seen. You are worth connection.
