💭 When You’re Not Enough
Ever felt like you weren’t enough? It’s a very common problem in our world — that, and the belief that we aren’t good enough. The flaw in this thinking is ‘according to who?’ Or ‘when are we good enough?’ The word ‘enough’ means that something is sufficient or adequate. If we operate under the belief that we are not enough, or not good enough, we will experience a lot of shame and insecurity.anxiety help and support The resulting behaviour is that we act out a belief that we are somehow insufficient and inadequate. Basically, that we don’t measure up and never will, as long as the ‘enough’ breeds perfectionism and unrealistic expectations.
🧠 The problem with core beliefs
Core beliefs are the deep, long-held beliefs that define us. They can be positive and helpful or negative and deeply hurtful. As children we create core beliefs as we encounter the people and experiences in our lives. Core beliefs help us navigate the world around us and make sense of things. When we encounter distressing experiences, we will even fill in the unknown parts with assumption, guessing and speculating. It seems easier to believe horrible negative beliefs about ourselves than to tolerate the unknown. “Phew, well at least I know…it’s me, I suck!”
🧩 Core beliefs Enhance or Extort
Core beliefs function like a filter that all of life’s experiences flow through. The core beliefs look for proof to support themselves. If it’s a positive belief, it will explain things in a way that is helpful to us — enhancing life and growing a positive sense of self. If it’s a negative belief, it will interpret the event in a way that supports the negative belief — for example, making something personal when it is just a typical life event. A negative filter will also disqualify the positive things we are encountering, writing it off as a fluke or excusing, denying or minimizing it.
🔄 Can we Change Core Beliefs?
Yes! It starts with a process of identifying what your core beliefs are. What do you tell yourself things mean about you? What are the filters you are running life through? Negative core beliefs can often be refuted by us in our rational mind. We know it’s not actually something we would believe for someone else or teach our children but in our gut we feel like it is true/applies to us.
Do these negative beliefs impact your quality of life today? If the answer is yes, it might be time to do some core belief work. It starts with willingness to change the core beliefs. If you are fully committed to the negative belief you will continue to defend it. If you are sick of the belief and how it is negatively impacting your life, you might be ready to address it.
Keep in mind that, feelings come after we change the belief! They are the result of what we are believing, thinking and acting upon. We can’t wait to change a belief until we FEEL differently — we change the belief using the power of our will and start the process of believing, thinking and behaving as though it is correct, then the feelings come. ‘I’ll do that when I feel better’ is not effective thinking when it comes to changing up our core beliefs. We have to believe, think and do, SO THAT we will feel better or differently.
Finding alternate beliefs that are positive and agreeable to you are a good starting point. Considering what we’d like to believe instead opens up the possibility for a changed belief. Then we can start looking for evidence to support the new belief — this is where we change the filter.
🛠️ Therapeutic Support
CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) and EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) are two therapeutic approaches that can be very helpful for changing core beliefs. If you need help and support to identify and change negative core beliefs, it can be extremely helpful to do this with a trained Therapist. Reach out to Fresh Hope Counselling and our administrative staff can help determine a good fit for you based on your individual counselling goals and needs.